George is happy lying on the trolley. He
has his ancient, liver-spotted hands neatly resting in his lap, his slippers
just poking out of the blanket the other end. His glasses catch the light as he
looks this way and that.
‘Bessie downed it,’ he says.
George’s false teeth don’t fit. The top
plate is completely adrift, so whenever he talks, it drops and rocks from side
to side, following the movement of his lower jaw. He also has to make urgent
little gabbling motions with his lips from time to time, to stop it shooting
out. It’s disconcerting to watch, like seeing two mouths working where there
should only be one. And the upshot is, George’s words get completely mangled.
We’ve tried to persuade him to take the plate out, but he won’t have it.
‘A cargo rout in Aberdeen,’ he says.
‘Sorry, George? A what?’
The only way you can understand him is to
loosen your mind to the same extent as the plate. It’s like reading bad
handwriting. If you don’t panic and simply let go, the sense will come.
Hopefully.
‘Howling at the zoo was under the
influence?’ he says.
‘How long have I worked on the ambulance?’
He nods.
‘Seven years.’
He reaches out and touches my arm.
‘I used a stork under brushes’
‘Did you?’
He nods.
‘On the buses?’
He nods.
‘Acorn chucked her.’
‘A conductor?’
He nods.
Another trolley comes through the doors and
we all shuffle down a touch.
‘Move right down inside the car, please,’ I
say.
He laughs, shakes his head, leans up and touches
me on the arm.
‘Roofer wool martian dropped.’
9 comments:
I wonder if George is related to Stanley Unwin?
I think you might well be correctibold in your assumptionings.
'Roofer wool martian dropped'... 'we'll have to budge up a bit?!'
George sounds a bit like Reuben in Cold Comfort Farm. There's a great bit which which goes
'I ha' scranleted two hundred furrows come 5 o'clock doen i' the bute'.
'Did you?' said Flora (the heroine) in a bright interested voice...
Best.book.ever.
'Room for one more on top.'
Quite chilling actually. One of my all time favourite / worst scary films ever was 'Dead of Night' - reminded me of that.
Cold Comfort Farm - never read it! But I've heard a lot about it - and it's next up after North. Abbey.
:)
The BBC adaptation of Cold Comfort Farm is also marvellous. Different, but marvellous.
Thanks Anon - will def check it out.
Reminds me of Hot Fuzz and the translation scene
I'll look that up on YouTube!
We had a drunk today who was difficult to understand, too - and he got really offended when we asked him to repeat some things. Like anyone could've understood what he was saying. (And he refused to stop eating his crisps, scattering them hither & thither - especially thither, which was particularly difficult to get to).
Jane - that's my favourite book too! I think of it whenever I hear or read the name Seth. "Worst fears realised darling..."
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