Monday, October 06, 2014

blower

‘Everything’s going wrong. The whole day. And to make matters worse we’re finishing late. We end up at this residential care home miles out of town. Turns out the patient isn’t at death’s door. In fact not only is he not at death’s door, he’s sitting up in bed drinking tea and watching Pointless. So we leave him with a GP referral and head back out to the truck. I’d been putting off going to the loo for the last couple of hours and there’s no way I’m making it all the way back to base with a bladder the size of a space hopper. I see there’s a visitor’s toilet in the lobby so I nip in quick, do the do, wash my hands, and then I’m looking round for a paper towel. But all they’ve got is one of those hand blowers on the wall. Great. I hate those things. Noise like a 747 and you still walk out rubbing your hands on your trousers. But anyway, I go through the motions. I put my hands underneath. Nothing. I look for a switch on the wall but can’t find one. I put my hands under again, a bit closer. Further away. I slap the side of it. Put my hands back really slowly. Nothing. Great. If there’s one thing I hate more than a blower it’s a blower that doesn’t work. Then the door opens and this guy comes in. He sees me standing there with my hands underneath the thing, about to rip it off the wall, throw it through the window and then drown myself in the toilet. And he says, really quietly, like he’s talking to a psycho: It’s actually a towel dispenser.

7 comments:

tpals said...

Hee hee. I hate those blowers too. They use them at work but the noise annoys me so I just air dry the old fashioned way.

jacksofbuxton said...

Modern life Spence.

One of my customers told me of the time he went to a cash point and was pressing the screen instead of the buttons on the side.Too used to his smart phone.

Spence Kennedy said...

tpals - Well, here's hoping we're seeing the end of the Age of the Blower. (Seriously. Even those blade-style blowers are rubbish). Although, for the sake of balance, I'll admit that towels have their problems, too. Sometimes you pull one and half a dozen fall out. Grr. And then some people still insist on putting them in the toilet. But at least it all happens quietly...

I like that story about the guy pressing the screen at the cash point, Jack. Has he got a flat nose from walking into (non) automatic doors? I must admit, though, I missed a lot of calls on my new phone till someone showed me you had to slide to answer... :/

Sabine said...

I remember a report published a while ago and blowers are def. totally unhygienic, paper towels are ok but whatever it is, you can't win because plenty of people never wash their hands anyway before the touch the door handles.

Spence Kennedy said...

I remember reading something like that, too. And it's true about touching the door on the way out. I try not to think about that (maybe they should make the doors foot operated somehow...) :/

cogidubnus said...

Paper Towel Dispenser...love it...that could so much be me!

Spence Kennedy said...

Yep - I admit - I do suffer from Hopeless Uncontrollable Loss of Knowhow syndrome (HULK). When things don't work like I expect them to I turn green and end up swatting helicopters with uprooted trees.