what to do

I haven’t been to William before, but that’s the thing about frequent flyers – no matter how prolific they might be, it’ll be some time before you can cross them all off your list.

William’s front garden is a raw patch of grass and weeds. A stone heron lies beak down in a pile of rubble; a line of perished Christmas lights hangs down in front of the kitchen window from the last remaining clip.

‘Don’t be tempted inside,’ says Rae as we walk up the path. ‘We’ll be there for hours, and the outcome’ll be exactly the same. I’ll try to tempt him out.’

She knocks, and knocks, and eventually William comes to the door, a middle-aged man so plump and soft and white it’s like she’s coaxed him out of the furthest chamber of the deepest burrow.

‘I don’t feel right,’ he says, bunching his t-shirt up. ‘I’ve got chest pain.’

‘Let’s get you out to the ambulance then, William and we’ll do all our tests there.’

‘Couldn’t you do them here?’

‘We could, but the advice would be the same – to come to hospital for a check-up. You’ll need a blood test for one thing.’

‘But I don’t want to go to hospital.’

‘We always advise it for chest pains, William. You know that. You’ve done this before.’

‘I know, but how’ll I get back?’

‘Maybe you could walk. It’s five minutes away. If that.’

‘What about my medication?’

‘Take it with you.’

‘But it’s all set out in the kitchen.’

‘I can put it in a bag.’

‘I need to take the next tablet in half an hour.’

‘Take it at the hospital.’

‘I have to take it with tea.’

‘They serve tea. Or water.’

‘It has to be tea.’

‘Whatever.’

‘I don’t know. I don’t want to go.’

‘What did you expect would happen when you dialled 999 and said you had chest pain?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘The only other thing is to see your GP.’

‘He won’t come out any more.’

‘Well he’s even closer than the hospital.’

‘I know but how will I get there?’

‘Walk?’

William shakes his head.

‘I haven’t been out in ages.’

‘How do you get your shopping?’

‘Dad takes me.’

‘Can’t your Dad take you to the surgery?’

William shakes his head.

‘He says he won’t do it anymore. What should I do?’

‘You know what we think you should do, William.’

He shifts his weight from side to side and plucks at the loose flesh beneath his chin.

After a while he says: ‘But can’t you do all the checks here?’

‘Our advice is that you come to the hospital for a review, William. If we did an ECG right here and it was clear, we’d still say you should come.’

‘So you could do it here.’

‘Yes. But say we did do an ECG and it showed you were having a heart attack. Would you come then?’

He shakes his head.

‘Why not?’

‘Because I can’t wait hours up the hospital. I know this is just anxiety. It’s how I am. And all this is making it worse.’

‘I think you’re right. I think it is anxiety. Have you had all your meds this morning?’

‘I haven’t had my Diazepam.’

‘When do you take that?’

‘In half an hour.’

‘Well I think you could safely bring that forward and have it now.’

‘But the kettle’s not boiled.’

Rae sighs.

‘We’ve been down this road before, William. Haven’t we? We’re just going round in circles.’

‘What’s the point in going up the hospital? They’ll do all their checks and find nothing wrong.’

‘You don’t have to come with us, William. You could always see your GP.’

‘But he won’t see me no more.’

‘He won’t come out to see you. But you could make your own way there.’

‘I can’t. My dad won’t take me.’

Rae sighs and steps away from the door.

I try my luck.

‘Do you have a support worker, William?’

‘Yes.’

‘Maybe you could call them and see what they say.’

‘I can’t keep calling them. I’m too stressed. What should I do?’

‘That’s when you should call them, when you’re stressed.’

‘They can’t do nothing more for me.’

‘What do you think they’d tell you to do if you told them you had chest pain?’

‘Go to hospital.’

‘And that’s what we think you should do. So that’s all of us saying you should go to hospital. Come on William. Sooner you go, sooner you can come back.’

He shifts his weight, foot to foot.

‘What should I do?’ he says. ‘I’m all confused.’

‘Come to the hospital and speak to someone there. Maybe they’ll have some ideas.’

‘But how will I get back?’

‘Taxi?’

‘I haven’t go no money.’

‘Dad?’

‘He doesn’t drive.’

‘Walk?’

‘Not without Dad.’

‘Give him a call?’

‘He won’t go up the hospital.’

‘The GP, then.’

‘Or them.’

‘The main thing is, William, you don’t feel well. You were worried enough to call an ambulance. I think you should do whatever you have to do to get checked out and reassure yourself everything’s okay, and then worry about how you’re going to get home later.’

‘But my medications…’

‘We’ll put them in a bag.’

‘They’re in a box.’

‘We’ll put the box in a bag. It’s a big bag.’

He strokes his head, shuffles from side to side.

‘What should I do? I don’t know what to do.’

‘William? We really need to make a decision,’ says Rae, stepping back again. ‘We’re an emergency ambulance and we might be needed on another job. What’s it going to be? Hospital or GP?’

‘I don’t know. The GP won’t see me.’

‘I’m afraid we’ll have to go then, William.’

He stands at the door watching us walk back to the truck, anxiously stroking his head from the nape of the neck to the forehead and back again.

By the time I’m in the cab, he’s speaking on the phone.

I catch his eye.

He holds up an index finger for me to wait.

I wind the window down.