Wednesday, August 20, 2014

yo grandma

Luisa has lived in the UK ever since she married just after the war, but her Italian accent is as strong as ever. A frail, beautifully turned-out woman in her nineties, she is as perfectly maintained as her hair, the long, fragile strands of which lie expertly coiled and kept in place by a series of elegant metal grips.
Once the ECG is done and we establish that Luisa needs to go to hospital, she quietly gathers a bag of things together, turning down all offers of help. Finally she reappears in the doorway, wearing a smart black coat and sensible shoes. I offer to carry her bag but she graciously declines, electing instead to hold onto my arm as we head for the front door.
‘My bitches,’ she says.
‘Sorry, Luisa?’
‘My sweet little bitches.’
What can she mean? I'm as stunned as if she'd given me a kick in the shins. Is there something in her past medical history I've missed?
Luisa lets go of my arm, stretches a hand out to the fruit bowl and squeezes one of the peaches there.
‘We must eat them today.’

11 comments:

TomVee said...

Luisa certainly had a fruity language there. I am glad the misunderstanding could be sorted - but really, what do you think of the carers, Spence?!

Spence Kennedy said...

To be honest, Jack, in real life I didn't actually say anything when I misheard the word. It was only when Luisa reached out to the fruit bowl I realised what she really meant. But I was so tired when I wrote it out, it was quicker to bring in the carers than try to explain in real time, if you see what I mean. Feel guilty about it now of course. Cheap shot. Especially as she didn't actually have any carers.

Note to self: re-write!

Spence Kennedy said...

Double note to self: Check who's commenting more carefully. Tsch, tsch... Sorry Tom!

uphilldowndale said...

Wonderful!

Spence Kennedy said...

Thanks UHDD! :)

jacksofbuxton said...

Would it help Spence if I said...

"Luisa certainly had a fruity language there. I am glad the misunderstanding could be sorted - but really, what do you think of the carers, Spence?!"

A little Officer Crabtree moment from Luisa there Spence.

Spence Kennedy said...

It would definitely help. Now order is restored. And breathe....

It's a shocking confession: I never saw 'Allo Allo' (had to google the reference). But now that I have - it is!

Cassandra said...

Aww, I didn't see it before the re-write. Now I'm curious! Although contextually from the comments and the story I can gather what went on...

Spence Kennedy said...

I should really write just ahead of when I publish, so the posts have time to settle down, and I can read & edit them a little later (like this comment - sometimes what you first write isn't the best). (These brackets are really annoying). But that would mean doubling my output, and I can't... sob ... (that was supposed to be an actual sob, not an acronym for 'short of breath') (back to the annoying brackets again) (see what I mean about the edit thing?) :/

Cassandra said...

(I'm actually a huge fan of parenthesis.) Oh, and to answer your question without doubling MY output, protagonist is the good guy and the antagonist is the trouble maker. I remember it with "pros and cons"- pro is good, so the protagonist s the good guy. Antagonizing someone is bad, just like the antagonist.

Spence Kennedy said...

That's a good way of remembering it, Cass. Thx. I'm glad you think I'm the protaguy. Def feel antagonised a lot of the time (but not today - oops, bracketing again...)